chasing after a stationary car counts as exercise too, right?

Good things never happen in parking garages. You know how in the movies the girl will be walking towards her car—her footsteps echo and the lights are flickering and sometimes there’s even an ominous puddle of water on the ground—foreshadowing? Something makes her nervous and she glances over her shoulder. Her pace quickens and we see a shadow! following her. She breaks into a run, reaches her car. In her panic of course she drops the keys and at that moment the Villain strikes!

Luckily, this will never be me. Because I won’t even get to the part where I find my car.

I did all the right things. I parked my rental on the level my manager told me to. I found a spot right next to an elevator and under a large “5e” sign. A cursory glance around me even allowed me to take note of neighboring vehicles. My plan was foolproof.

I walked into work as a Confident Working Woman. Five minutes later I was walking back out with my manager to return the car. He’d parked a level below me so I told him I would just meet him at the rental place instead of finding each other in the garage.

Five minutes later I couldn’t. find. My. Car. Isn’t it irritating when you’re standing right where you think it should be but—plot twist—that isn’t your car?

If anyone saw a crazy little asian girl running–nay, SPRINTING through the parking garage that morning—I have no shame. Whoever designed that garage decided it’d be a great idea to have two perfectly symmetrical parking garages right next to each other—and I had no idea which one I’d parked in. I found what seemed like every elevator except that one I’d parked by. I wondered if I’d gone crazy and parked at 3e instead of 5e. nope.

Y’all I spent 20 minutes in that parking garage running back and forth hoping my car would magically appear. I waited for the phone call from my manager who was probably already at the rental place wondering where the hell I was. And after being deemed capable enough to be sent to another account to help with recruiting, I’d have to be that intern and pick up the phone and be all “Hey—surprise! I haven’t even left the garage yet. I can’t find my car.” Luckily he has been blessed with an inordinate amount of patience.

After running up, down, sideways, and following strangers around I finally found my car…right around the corner from where I’d first started.

20 minutes later the car was returned and my manager was driving me back to work. Here’s a good tip for you guys. If you’re ever in the situation where you lose your rental car in a parking garage and are under mounting pressure,—always blame it on the GPS.

Don’t laugh. It happens more than you think.